Social Distancing as a Matter of Routine
As schools and businesses close across the country for the foreseeable future, and they enact distance learning and work-from-home policies, communities will experience what happens in my life as a solo-practitioner consultant every day: the risk of feeling lonely. I'm not the sort of person who needs a lot of people around me all the time, but I certainly want to feel part of a community and spend time in the company of others each week. In the face of the global health crisis, here are my strategies for staying connected with clients, colleagues, friends, and family while being physically alone most of the work week.
Zoom and FaceTime. If you have family and dear friends who live far away, then you will already know how fabulous these video conferencing features can be. It’s a very close second to being in the same room. A recent experience convinced me of this. I’ve collaborated with fellow independent school consultant, Chuck English via Zoom for over a year. We live and work 460 miles and a national border away from each other. We finally met face to face at the NAIS Annual Conference in Philadelphia. I wondered if it would feel weird being in the same room with him; would we talk about different things; was he taller than I thought he would be? No, no, and (possibly not what Chuck would want me to say) no. That experience cemented my belief in the power of virtual connection and that it is indeed a viable and excellent substitute for being in the same space.
FaceTime allows me to be part of my daughter's life in Detroit, half a country away. We cook together, she shows me the new trick she taught her cat, and we laugh very hard at all manner of things that would be lost in translation without being able to see her facial expressions as the story unfolds.
Yes, these are powerful tools for connection. Take advantage of them.
Walk and Talk. I like being outside. I'm not a hard-core nature girl, and you will not find me camping or doing anything that requires me to haul my body weight in supplies or sleep somewhere that does not have access to a bed and (preferably) a private bath. But, I do like walking on paths through forests and parks. I’m delighted by the way the mid-Atlantic forest changes with each season. I’m thrilled to encounter new vistas and deeply saddened when I see the impact of environmental shifts. Walking with friends and colleagues provides a perfect way to connect with nature and people at the same time. By walking side by side in a serene setting, I find that sometimes we speak more meaningfully and openly. I retain information differently and can reflect on the situation my walking companion shares in a new light.
I recently conducted a study of independent school admissions directors. I asked them about parent anxiety in the admissions process, and the study participants shared many strategies for mitigating anxiety in prospective families. Amy Furlong, Director of Enrollment at Gilman School, shared one of her strategies. She minimizes the parent interview and no longer calls it that. She prefers to refer to that time as "walk and talk." By walking the lovely campus with prospective parents and talking about their hopes and dreams for their son, she finds that parents are much more relaxed, and parent stress decreases in the entire admissions process.
No Handshakes. I've never been a fan of handshakes. I went to a university that was laser-focused on a particular outcome: getting an excellent job at an impressive company that offered a benefits package. Part of that training included the "firm handshake." For me, this involved a carefully crafted defensive strategy to keep the bones in my hand from being permanently crushed. Fortunately, in the intervening years, women make up a larger percentage of the corporate leadership and the firm handshake has evolved into something resembling human contact and not a robotic hand mutilator. In any event, we all run the risk of transferring germs with the handshake, which is often in advance of eating together. It's a combination that has always made me uncomfortable.
When my kids were in school, the Head of School was out in the carpool line shaking every student’s hand and coaching him or her to give a firm handshake and look him in the eye while saying Good Morning. This routine was excellent training for building confidence in greeting adults, and I was pleased. But, it also ensured the spread of disease at the school. Years later, as an administrator at The GreenMount School, we were encouraged to give fist bumps to each other and the students. We still taught kids to look us in the eye and say Good Morning, but we stopped the quick spread of disease via the administration!
I meet in person with a network of business professionals and entrepreneurs on a regular basis to share business practices and offer support and friendship to one another. When we met last week, we awkwardly bumped fists and laughed about the absurdity of the situation. But, is this the final new virus to come around? What about the millions of cases of the flu every year? Perhaps, now is a good time to do away with a custom that is not serving us well.
Undoubtedly, many of us will feel lonely in the coming weeks without the built-in social connections at work, through conferences and face-to-face meetings, and the many meals and coffees we enjoy with others at our favorite spot. According to experts on the recent Freakonomics podcast episode, Is There Really a Loneliness Epidemic, we know that loneliness activates a part of our brain that is a powerful motivator for us to reconnect and be around others. Let’s use that feeling to be more creative in the ways we connect with others during these disruptions in our life.
The author, Jill Goodman, is a consultant working with independent school leaders to advance their school’s mission, enhance their processes, and bolster their skills.
